Hazel Tellington
We love to love her, even if she hates to love us back.
Stubborn, cynical, and so very single, Haze is an up-and-coming writer who wishes a social life could be delivered to her doorstep.
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Jamie McJack
The cheery yin to Hazel's yang, Jamie's a bubbly hug on legs.
She loves her job at the local flower shop and never turns down an opportunity to win free swag with the help of her boobs.
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McPedro
He's a Talking Irish Cactus, which says just about all you need to know.
To our knowledge, McPedro only speaks to Hazel when she's drinking, and he loves his spider plant girlfriend.
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Jameson
Jameson's a hot latte on a cold day.
He runs the bar at the coffee shop below Hazel's apartment, Joe Shmoe.
Sweet, level-headed and a little goofy, he's unintentionally a bit of a heartbreaker.
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Maureen
Maureen "The Blog Girl" is the lucky antisocial cutie who stole Jameson's heart on the Internet. <3
She's a little shy, but he thinks it's charming.
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Clarice
Clarice is the wannabe librarian who denies her job as a clerk at the local porn store, Variety Books (and more!).
But her weekend job is far more interesting.
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Scott
Scott moved into Hazel's apartment to help her pay the rent.
He's not around very often, but he makes Hazel and Jamie drool.
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Candy
Candy "The Carnivore" is a friend of Jameson's who also met him on the Internet, and LOOOVES to taunt his vegetarian girlfriend.
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Chris
Chris "The Pirate" met Hazel in the emergency room as he earned an eyepatch for a drinking accident, and hasn't really left her life since.
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Tyler
Hazel baby-sits Tyler when she's short on dough, and ONLY then.
Tyler's a ten-year-old nerd whose obsession with games is rivaled only by his obsession with boobs.
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Madison
Madison, a super-smart and strong-willed freckled and bespectacled fifth-grader, is Tyler's girlfriend (for whatever that's worth in fifth grade).
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Brian
Brian was the only decent date on a Valentine's Day double-date Hazel and Jamie went on in 2005.
Jamie snatched him up, but not for long...
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Thea
Thea is the editor-in-chief at the Tribune, the paper Hazel writes for.
She's rumored to be a lesbian, but she probably wouldn't tell you if you asked.
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Pussy Whipped Editor
Mister or Miss? If you get her gender wrong, you might not get a job working for the best love-and-sex mag in
New York!
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Harrison
One of Hazel's favorite co-workers. Enjoys a good old-fashioned joke or two at the water cooler.
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The Publishers
Frighteningly Muppet-like, Mr. Econo and Mr. Lodge are the dickish, sexist publishers of the Tribune.
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Ms. Jones
Ms. Jones, Hazel's neighbor, is officialy the Oldest Living Kegstand.
Scott is her grandson, though she acts more his age than he does.
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Reese Phelps
Reese is the boy of Hazel's dreams, and has been since she was 17.
He's a traveling actor who adores Haze, but never discusses romance...
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Caroline Tellington
Caroline is Hazel's mom, a divorced librarian who moved with her only daughter to Maryland during Hazel's teenage years.
She loves vibrating back massagers.
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Zee Artiste
The lack of consistant updates should say it all, but in case you want more, you can find it here.
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